A Cosmic Schmuck

Conclusion:

1. “seems to be” > “is”

2. Ready, fire, aim > ready, aim, fire

Unofficinalis

Sitting in the bathroom at work, taking an unauthorized but critical break and here it all comes pouring out (metaphorically of course I wouldn’t write about such taboos on tumblr). Inadequacy inadequacy inadequacy - word of the previous night/day. Learning more and more that nothing is real, no past no future - just now, but I’m using too many words to transform the now INTO past/future so there is no now. This phase is a shock period, I know it, but hot diggity damn is it painful. Every relationship is going down hill, and in some strange way I am not concerned, and this, this lack of concern is my concern, so there is concern, but it is a masking concern. Blessed be he who expresses their emotions thoughts dreams and feelings directly without butterfly nets catching the larger particles containing the most substantial information which fails to be expressed. Where does it go? Am I writing this for myself or for others? I have never stared ego into the eye for so long, and it is more painful than the five wounds I have on my right hand. It’s like being on a plethora of entheogens minus the pretty colors and minus the artificial guidance. Tomorrow I may wake up feeling like I am on top of the world (or the eyes of the world). WHY IS VERYTHING FLUCTUATING SO RAPIDLY, where does it end?

I miss astral projecting. It seems as though getting deeper into practices of yoga, meditation, etc put that “ability” to a halt. It hasn’t occurred in over a year, now. Even with the lucid dreaming sleep mask, it just doesn’t happen.

Floating in mental fog

Has anyone experienced brain fog? I was blown away when I found that the vast majority of people go their entire lives WITHOUT experiencing this goofy phenomena. It primarily occurs for myself whenever I don’t get adequate sleep or endure excessive stress. I’m sure the brain fog experience differs for everyone - my main symptoms are lack of verbal recall, difficulty concentrating, and thoughts/images racing at 100 mph+. Today I had it for the majority of the day due to

Question for followers:

1. Does anyone have experience with Osho’s Dynamic/other active meditations?
2. When growing kombucha, do you prefer using raw cane sugar or refined sugar?

Thank you, psychonauts and kombucha brewers

• At my parent’s home right now, and I don’t feel welcomed by anyone. Even the dogs don’t seem to miss me much. Although, Cocoa the Socially Inept kitten will not let me leave. I’m happy with my decision of leaving. I’m not the least bit content, but having peace of mind should help me develop that everlasting smirk on my face which I have longed for all of this time.
• I have been studying Qabbalah and its association with modern psychology. Some of it is a bit too esoteric for me to comprehend, but what I can understand is ultra interesting.
• Transhumanism/Posthumanism seems interesting, but boy do I wish we would stop studying it in Philosophy.
• Saw Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers last night. I can not stop thinking about it. Say what you will about Korine, but I think his style of movie making is phenomenal. Sure, the social commentary could be communicated in a less obscene manner, but perhaps I’m just attracted to the ultra-vulgarity of his films. If you’re considering seeing it, don’t expect a funny party movie with a linear plot. Not as strange as Gummo, but he includes a lot of the same aspects. Plus, Britney Spears songs.

Backward I see in my own days where I sweated
Through fog with linguist and contenders
I have no mockings or arguments-
I witness and wait. 

-Walt Whitman

Akron/Family will be in Denton on Saturday then San Antonio on Sunday

oh my god

then Dallas & Austin in early May

oh my god

I will go to 2/4 of these shows, I commit to it